Daibhid's Journal

So,apparently, this is what happens if I work on the TV Tropes page You Mean Xmas and listen to Mitch Benn's Christmas album within close succession...

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(With apologies to Bob Seger)

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So, I've been thinking about Mitch Benn's song "Be My Doctor Who Girl", which it's fair to say is quite problematic (sample lyric "I'll do all the thinking/You'll look good in shorts and scream"). And to give him credit, Mitch knows that, and last year wrote a gender-flipped version, "Let Me Be Your Doctor Who Boy", where the singer wants to be the companion to a Doctor-like woman, rather than wanting his girlfriend to be the companion to his Doctor.

But in addition to being problematic, I never thought the song was a particularly accurate portrayal of companions, even if we limit it to the Tom Baker era, which is clearly what the song's mostly referring to. So, here's my attempt at a version that is more accurate and, hopefully, less problematic.
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(Tune: Padstow May Song, trad.)

Unite and unite and let us all unite,
For summer is a-coming today,
And all across the Discworld, we all will unite,
In the merry morning of May.

The wizards of Morpork, they might if they would,
For summer is a-coming today,
They might have sang an anthem from the high Tower of Art,
In the merry morning of May.

The assassins of Morpork, they might if they would,
For summer is a-coming today,
They might have built a garland with blossoms from Hide Park,
In the merry morning of May.

Oh, where's the Elf King? Oh, where is he-o?
He's under the Long Man, deep in Faerie-o.
Down dives the Suicide Thrush of Lancre-o.
Nanny Gytha Ogg saw the mound from above,
And it looked like a tonker-o.

Oh, where have the wizard and assassins got?
For summer is a-coming today,
They've all stayed a-bed, they might have but would not,
In the merry morning of May.

(All May festivals are from the books, or at least the supplementary material. The Companion describes the UU May anthem, and how, since the Tower of Art is 800 feet tall, the listeners can't hear the choir and don't notice if they haven't turned up; the Assassins Guild Diary goes into a long description of the May Blossom tradition that concludes "for the past seventy years, no boy has bothered to give it a try"; and Nanny mentions the Scouring of the Long Man in A Tourist's Guide to Lancre, including its useful educational aspects.)

Just been sorting through the hard-drive, and found a number of semi-written filks. Some of them don't need much effort to be ready to inflict on you lucky people. Here's the first:

Angua
(TTO "Maria", Blondie)
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I thought this might be easier than trying to write in coherent sentences. It wasn't...

Long, long time ago,
But I can still remember when those books first made me smile.
And I knew seeing Rincewind run,
Through Ankh-Morpork was lots of fun,
And it could keep me happy for a while.

But then I read the news so bitter,
Coming from Facebook and Twitter,
No more on the forum,
Noli Timere Messorum,
I do remember that I cried,
When I read the last tweet he'd provide,
'Cos something touched me deep inside,
The day the magic died.

I was singing
So bye-ee, Sir Pterry OBE,
Took a tanker down to Lancre, but all I saw were trees.
And all the fans were blogging their memories,
Saying this is what the man meant to me.
This is what the man meant to me.

Did you read the Octavo?
And do you know when reannuals grow?
That's what the creator said.
Do you believe in dwarfs and trolls?
And music filling Buddy's soul?
And would you spell wizzard with double zed?

Well, I knew that there were more like me,
When I first encountered afp.
They showed me to a chair,
There was an alligator over there!
I was a social-phobic with a student debt,
Chatting away back on Usenet,
The friends I made and later met,
And then the magic died.

We were singing
So bye-ee, Sir Pterry OBE,
Took a ferry to Blackbury where I met the ScreeWee.
And all the fans were blogging their memories,
Saying this is what the man meant to me.
This is what the man meant to me.

And there we were all in one place,
As though we'd wandered through L-Space,
And we'd meet again and again,
So thank you, Brian Nisbet, Dr Hix,
Paul Kruzycki dunked in custard mix,
And all the others who their time could spend.

And as we reached the Maskerade,
Our quacking left the host dismayed,
The costumes done so well,
Winners were hard to tell.
And as we talked throughout the night,
To celebrate what he did write,
I saw Terry chuckle with delight,
But then the magic died.

We were singing
So bye-ee, Sir Pterry OBE,
Took the left fork to Ankh-Morpork down by the Circle Sea.
And all the fans were blogging their memories,
Saying this is what the man meant to me.
This is what the man meant to me.

I met a girl who sang some filk,
And many others of that ilk,
But didn't know just what to say.
I looked at what the novels said,
And learnt that a man is not dead,
Until the ripples he made fade away.

And on the net we cried and laughed,
We quoted words sublime and daft.
As long as his name's spoken,
The world does not seem broken.
And at eight o'clock we all did post,
In honour of the Discworld's host,
And raised our glasses in a toast,
The magic does not die.

We were singing
So bye-ee, Sir Pterry OBE,
Spent time campin' in Wincanton back in reality.
And all the fans were blogging their memories,
Saying this is what the man meant to me.

Lady Morgana

Lady Morgana, sitting all alone,
Wonder how you're planning to seize the throne.
Visions of Emrys running through your head,
Do you know it's Merlin that you want dead?

Friday night you summon up a creature.
Sunday morning you think that you've won.
Merlin and Arthur racing to defeat ya.
See how they run.

Lady Morgana, casts an evil spell,
Wonder if it's going to work that well.

(Ablinn ðu, forlæte ðu.)
(See how they run.)

Lady Morgana, plots with Agrivaine,
Wonder how you're going to fail again.

Tuesday morn you ally with a warlord.
Wednesday the invasion has begun.
Thursday knights are standing against your horde.
See how they run.

Lady Morgana, sitting all alone,
Wonder how you're planning to seize the throne.

I've completely forgotten what it was I was actually Googling for, but I've rediscovered this over-a-year-old discussion of SF&F versions of classics, and I thought I'd try and spread the madness here.

Since the topic had moved to musicals by the end (and I'm sorry, but I don't recognise the one about J8 and L2) here's my take on one:
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It's occured to me that, while I've shared my often-incoherent opinions here, and erratically reported on my life (usually six months after something interesting happened, so I've forgotten about it), one thing I haven't done is inflicted any of my song parodies on readers. Well, your luck has run out.

This particular one is atypical, in that it's not a SF&F based song (a filk). It is, however typical in that it was spawned from hearing a song repeatedly on the radio at work, until my brain decided to turn it into a song I liked better. (About two thirds of my song parodies are generated that way, at least when I'm working somewhere with a radio. The rest are created from songs I really like, on the grounds that songs that good must *have* a Discworld [or whatever] version, and I just need to work out what it is).

Apologies to all readers who find the references to the UK folk scene impenetrable. And further apologies to those who find them embarassingly superficial (I know I'm not a True Folkie).

( I Wanna Be A Folk Star )