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daibhidcSo I was browsing Muppet Wiki, as one does, and I learned that the Irish Rodents, from that one episode of Muppets Tonight, have a fake vinyl hanging on the wall in Walt Disney World's PizzeRizzo restaurant (along with the Mice Girls from Muppets From Space, the Ratler Brothers from the "Flowers on the Wall" YouTube video, and Roland Rat from something approaching real life). And I thought it might be a fun exercise of the song parody muscles to actually write the songs on that record: "Salty Rat", "Pied Piper's Call", and "Take It and Scurry".
...So, it turns out that "Piper's Call" is an instrumental (assuming for multiple reasons that it's not the Dave Gilmour one), while "Salty Dog" by Flogging Molly and "Take It and Run" by the Dropkick Murphys are both incredibly dark, so I'm struggling to come up with fun, Muppety versions. I haven't given up, but I'm struggling.
In the meantime, it occurred to me that the Irish Rodents are named after the Irish Rovers, and the Irish Rovers are named after another folk song, so I did that instead.
The Irish Rodent
(with apologies to The Dubliners.)
On the fourth of July eighteen hundred and three,
We set sail from the sweet cove of Cork.
We were stocked with a cargo of Ballyblue Brie,
For the cheese-loving beasts of New York.
The ship's twenty sails were the length of our tails,
And her speed was a very large quotient.
With a crew full of rats, there were never ship's cats,
On the deck of the Irish Rodent.
We had one million measures of crumbly Cheshire,
We had two million Lanarkshire Blue.
We had three million Stilton to set flowers wiltin',
We had four million Caerphilly too.
We had ten million Gloucester, six million Red Leicester,
Seven million Feta most potent.
And eight million slices of Munster for mices,
In the hold of the Irish Rodent.
There was auld Mickey Snoot who played hard on his flute,
For a dance that would draw every mammal in.
When he took up his stance, he'd doe-rats in a trance,
Just like that human eejit in Hamelin.
As his whiskers he'd preen, he was cock o' the green,
And the ladies all asked his cognomen.
They knew from the sight of his pelt, brown and white,
That he sailed on the Irish Rodent.
There was Barney McWhey, from the sewers of Bray,
There was Hazel, a dormouse from Kerry.
There was Johnny McGnaw, who did no work at a',
And a rat from Westmeath called McScurry.
There was Scamper O'Vole, who was drunk on the whole,
And fighting Bill Trappy from Folkestone,
And yer rat, Mike McSqueak, from the banks of the Eask,
Was the skipper of the Irish Rodent.
For a sea rat it's a bother of life,
Feelin' hungry by day and by night.
When there's fine Kerrygold bein' kept in the hold,
You could melt on batch loaf for a bite.
But all that you'll find is an old bacon rind,
For the cargo is strictly verboten.
But of a galley raid, he is never afraid,
That auld rat from the Irish Rodent.
We had sailed seven years when we got lost in fog,
And had eaten near half of the cheese.
And the whole of the crew was reduced down to two,
Or more if you're countin' the fleas.
Then the ship hit a rock. Oh Lord, what a shock,
For the ripest cheese was an explodent,
And after the blast, well, it seems I'm the last,
Of the rats from the Irish Rodent.
...So, it turns out that "Piper's Call" is an instrumental (assuming for multiple reasons that it's not the Dave Gilmour one), while "Salty Dog" by Flogging Molly and "Take It and Run" by the Dropkick Murphys are both incredibly dark, so I'm struggling to come up with fun, Muppety versions. I haven't given up, but I'm struggling.
In the meantime, it occurred to me that the Irish Rodents are named after the Irish Rovers, and the Irish Rovers are named after another folk song, so I did that instead.
The Irish Rodent
(with apologies to The Dubliners.)
On the fourth of July eighteen hundred and three,
We set sail from the sweet cove of Cork.
We were stocked with a cargo of Ballyblue Brie,
For the cheese-loving beasts of New York.
The ship's twenty sails were the length of our tails,
And her speed was a very large quotient.
With a crew full of rats, there were never ship's cats,
On the deck of the Irish Rodent.
We had one million measures of crumbly Cheshire,
We had two million Lanarkshire Blue.
We had three million Stilton to set flowers wiltin',
We had four million Caerphilly too.
We had ten million Gloucester, six million Red Leicester,
Seven million Feta most potent.
And eight million slices of Munster for mices,
In the hold of the Irish Rodent.
There was auld Mickey Snoot who played hard on his flute,
For a dance that would draw every mammal in.
When he took up his stance, he'd doe-rats in a trance,
Just like that human eejit in Hamelin.
As his whiskers he'd preen, he was cock o' the green,
And the ladies all asked his cognomen.
They knew from the sight of his pelt, brown and white,
That he sailed on the Irish Rodent.
There was Barney McWhey, from the sewers of Bray,
There was Hazel, a dormouse from Kerry.
There was Johnny McGnaw, who did no work at a',
And a rat from Westmeath called McScurry.
There was Scamper O'Vole, who was drunk on the whole,
And fighting Bill Trappy from Folkestone,
And yer rat, Mike McSqueak, from the banks of the Eask,
Was the skipper of the Irish Rodent.
For a sea rat it's a bother of life,
Feelin' hungry by day and by night.
When there's fine Kerrygold bein' kept in the hold,
You could melt on batch loaf for a bite.
But all that you'll find is an old bacon rind,
For the cargo is strictly verboten.
But of a galley raid, he is never afraid,
That auld rat from the Irish Rodent.
We had sailed seven years when we got lost in fog,
And had eaten near half of the cheese.
And the whole of the crew was reduced down to two,
Or more if you're countin' the fleas.
Then the ship hit a rock. Oh Lord, what a shock,
For the ripest cheese was an explodent,
And after the blast, well, it seems I'm the last,
Of the rats from the Irish Rodent.
