AU Writing Meme IV: The Revenge
Feb. 29th, 2016 06:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
daibhidcYes, I’ve done some more. I was really struggling with Police/Firefighters for some reason, so this time I’ve gone for Mirror Universe instead.
Feel free to throw more characters at me.
Supergirl (TV)
Wild West
“I don’t like it,” said General Henshaw of the US Cavalry, “but the fact is Maxwell Lord Rail and Freight owns this town, and no girl with a sheriff’s badge is gonna change that.”
Kara smiled politely, and glanced down at the badge. Rather than the traditional star, it was an irregular pentagon with an “S” for “Sheriff” in the centre. It was the same badge her cousin, the sheriff of Smallville wore, and she was going to uphold what it stood for, whatever anyone thought.
Cyberpunk
“It’s a memory rewriter,” reported JONZZ, after the AI had tapped into Kara’s brain implant. “It seems to have created an entire alternate history for her. One where she grew up on another planet, all very crystal spires and togas.”
“Can we undo it?” Alex asked, looking at the unconscious form of her sister, “Where did it even come from?”
“LordTech, probably,” said JONZZ, “They’ve been working on something similar. Project BLACK MERCY.”
Shapeshifters
“It happened to her cousin once as well,” said James, “He was infected by the original Doomsday and he began transforming…”
“Not sure it’s the right time for a history lesson,” said Winn, “unless you have info that can help us cure her.”
“Not personally, no, but I’ll check with the Planet.” James left the window, leaving Cat and Winn still staring at the monster on the street below.
“I was thinking we could call her Doomsgirl,” said Cat.
“Really sure it’s not the right time for a branding exercise,” said Winn, before he remembered he was talking to his boss.
Pirates
“What’s Kara done now, captain?” Alex asked, when Captain Henshaw took a brief respite from swearing.
“She’s been looking at too many woodcuts in books. As soon she identified that ship as Vartox’s, she swung into their rigging with a cutlass between her teeth. Which was interesting, because they were too far away for the rope to reach, so she didn’t fasten it to anything. She just flew over as if she was swinging into the rigging.”
“Then why did she even have a rope?”
Henshaw shrugged, “Because that’s the way they do it in the woodcuts. Now if anyone else on my crew had been stupid enough to swing into a ship’s rigging with a cutlass between their teeth, I’d be seriously concerned about a boiled-egg situation. In her case, I’m just worried what it’ll do to the cutlass…”
…In SPACE!!
“So what’s your story?” Freya asked her cabinmate, as the ship ran through the solar system, “You’re humanform like me, was your template made for, ah, the same purpose?”
“No, we were designed as ... protectors,” Kara replied, “Back when there were humans, the Zorel template was meant to, well, watch over them.”
“Like a bodyguard?”
“Not exactly, that suggests being assigned to a specific person. We were supposed to look after the whole human race. We had flight abilities and enhanced strength and we used to go around looking for problems and solving them.”
“So, why a blonde girl with glasses? Or was that not what you looked like at the time?”
“No, I think they wanted us to look, y’know, unthreatening. Although the Kalel template was the same thing only male, and they were much taller and bulkier. I don’t understand the difference.”
Freya shrugged, “Nobody’s understood how humans thought for millennia, and we probably aren’t going to start now.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
Born Another Gender
“Why ‘Superboy’, Miss Grant? I mean, on the TV he looks about twenty.”
“Well, we can’t very well call him Superman, can we, Kenny? That name’s already taken.”
“I guess so, Miss Grant.”
“And, Kenny? I still don’t have my coffee.”
“Sure thing, Miss Grant.” With an air of resignation, Connell Danvers left the CatCo boss’s office.
“How’d it go, Kon?” James asked.
“I know it’s not his fault, but I’m really annoyed that my cousin got to go first.”
Schoolfic
“You see, Miss Danvers,” the principal explained, “Your schoolwork is fine, but you need more extra-curriculars.”
“I’m working on the school paper, sir,” Kara pointed out.
“Except you’re not. Catherine won’t let anyone else really work on the school paper. Have you considered the drama group?”
“Drama, sir?”
“It’s a great opportunity to come out of your shell, since it’s not really you. When I was your age I was Jean ValJean in the school production of Les Mis.”
“Really, sir?”
“Indeed. So think about it, okay?”
“Okay, sir,” Kara left the office and found her older sister waiting for her outside.
“So, how’d it go?” Alex asked.
“I’ve learned something about Principal Henshaw that’s changed everything. Did you realise he used to be our age?”
Mirror Universe
The news empire of KeraCo rarely saw the boss, who preferred leaving her assistant Cathy to run things, and just telling her when she was wrong. The fact was, Ultragirl only adopted her secret identity at all when she was bored. Which she was right now.
“Olsen,” she snapped, “Do we have any footage of Alexander Luthor’s recent rescue of those orphans? It’s the sort of feelgood crap the masses like.”
“Uh, sure, Miss Danvers,” stuttered James Olsen, “It’s just…”
“Just what?”
“Well, there’s always been a general rule in the news media. You don’t do anything that would make Ultraman angry. And positive press for Luthor is, well…”
Kera smiled. “Making my cousin angry was the whole reason I got into this business. If Kal-Il wants to come to Imperial City and throw a tantrum, well, it’s not going to affect me, is it?”
Olsen shuddered, “No, Miss Danvers,” he muttered.
Urban Fantasy
“So, you want to join the Department of Extranatural Operations? You do realise the kind of thing we do?”
“Yeah, you’re monster hunters, chasing vampires and werewolves. I know my dad worked for you, and he says my sister does as well.”
Henshaw gave Kara a long look. “Jeremiah Danvers says Alex works for us? Present tense?”
“That’s why I think I can be of use to you. I’m sort of connected to something I call the Phantom Zone…”
Steampunk
Two blonde women made their way through the catacombs. One wore a blue dress over a red blouse with gold stitching in the form of an S. This was Kara “the Super-Girl” Danvers. The other wore a green dress over a white blouse with a golden trilobite at her throat. This was Agatha “the Heterodyne” Heterodyne.
“Nearly there,” Agatha said. “Soon we’ll find out who’s responsible for these disappearances.”
“I hope so,” replied Kara, “I thought it was Lord Maxwell, you thought it was the Baron, but it doesn’t really make sense for it to be either of them.”
“Really, my dear,” said a voice from the shadows, “I’m disappointed. I always thought you’d inherited my intelligence, but if that were the case, you’d have worked out I was responsible long ago.”
“The Other!” cried Agatha.
“Aunt Astra!” cried Kara simultaneously.
With mounting horror, they realised they were both right.
The Doctor and River Song
(I know, I initially specified Eleventh, but then I had the idea I had for Another Gender.)
Wild West
The Doctor shook the reins to gee up the horses. “What did you say was in this wagon?” he yelled, over the gunfire from the posse behind them.
“Fossils!” River shouted from the back of the wagon, “I thought getting involved in the dinosaur-hunting craze was a good investment!” She fired her shotgun, but more to let their pursuers know she had it than out of any optimism she’d hit anything the way the Doctor was driving.
“Well, apparently, some of them are a bit more crazed than you thought!” He turned to look at her. “Where exactly did you get those fossils? Someone else’s claim? Native sacred sites? The Lost Dutchman Mine?”
River kept her eye on the posse, “I think that about covers it, yes.”
Cyberpunk
“It’s called data-archaeology,” River explained. “It’s all about decoding old formats, excavating forgotten websites, even finding ways to read obsolete media.”
“I know what data-archaeology is,” the Doctor replied, “I just didn’t realise it involved physically blowing up a mainframe in order to escape a Black ICE program someone left there fifty years ago.”
River grinned. “Only if you’re doing it right.”
Shapeshifters
“Interesting,” said River, studying herself in the mirror, “I thought you said I used up all my regenerations when I saved you.”
“I thought you had,” admitted the Doctor, “I mean, using regeneration energy to restore another Time Lord’s life isn’t really an exact science. You, ah, you do realise you now look like Elizabeth I?”
“Rule seventeen, sweetie. Be aware of the competition.”
Pirates
“Ahoy, the rowboat!” River called from the bridge of the Lady Idris, “Who are you and why are you approaching my vessel?”
The Doctor glared at her from the boat, “Your vessel?”
“Well, you weren’t actually using it…”
“I went to bury the treasure! I was only away for two hours!”
…In SPACE!!
“Look,” the captain of the ship River had chartered said, “I’ve got no problem with carrying just about anything, but I like to know what it is. The amount you’re paying is enough to keep Chewie in food for months, so it’s obviously pretty valuable.”
“Artefacts,” River replied, “We’ve been on a special mission to find historic artefacts and keep them out of the hands of the Sith. And by ‘we’, I mean I was on a special mission and he tagged along.”
“I don’t ‘tag along’,” protested the Doctor, “I refuse to let you tell Captain Solo I was ‘tagging along’. I’m the one who found all those traps!”
“Setting off traps doesn’t actually count as finding them, dear.”
“So, you’re what, adventure archaeologists?” said Solo, “I’ve never heard of anything more ridiculous.”
The Doctor glared at River. “He’d believe us if someone hadn’t blastered my fedora.”
Born Another Gender
He’d been waiting impatiently for the surgeon. Eventually Nardle had returned with a tall, grey-haired woman, who had the air of authority he associated with medical personnel and was instantly annoyed by.
“River!” the woman cried when she saw him. The familiarity in her tone caught him by surprise.
“How do you know me?” he demanded.
“Well, it’s very complicated. People usually need a flowchart.”
“It doesn’t matter,” River decided, “My husband is dying.”
The surgeon doubletaked. “Husband? I am definitely going to need a bigger flowchart…”
Schoolfic
“Would the following students please report to the headmaster’s office,” came the announcement over the HG Wells High PA system, “Pond, Melody. Song, River. Doctor, Matt.”
Matt looked around in panic. “But I didn’t do anything! I was sitting quietly in history class and they sort of roped me in!”
“Sorry,” Mels laughed, “But there’s no way old Maxil will believe one of the Doctor brothers got dragged into an adventure by a girl, instead of the other way round!”
“Oh, he will,” said River, “Unless you want Matt to get the credit for something we did?”
“Yeah, that’s a point.”
Mirror Universe
The Leader scowled across his desk. How had it come to this?
In his third incarnation, when those fools on Gallifrey had first exiled him to Earth, the renegade Time Lord had controlled the British Republic, until the Inferno disaster had made it not worth ruling. Now here he was, stuck at the Vulgar End of Time, engaged in petty theft.
Well, he wasn’t personally engaged in petty theft. When you were an evil mastermind, you had minions for that sort of thing.
Brook Tune, the galaxy’s greatest cat-burglar, entered his office and threw a crystal on the table. “There you go, boss. Straight from the remains of Koschei’s TARDIS. That should be enough to get you started.”
“Thank you, Brook. There wasn’t any … trouble, was there?”
“What, on Earth? Under the Kaled Protectorate? If you don’t bother them, they don’t bother you, you know that.”
“And you didn’t bother them? Start a firefight, blow a few of them up, anything like that?”
Brook looked puzzled, “Why would I do that? Subtle and careful, that’s how burglary works.”
The Leader sighed. He had … well, a certain amount of affection for Brook, but the woman was far too soft for this line of work. That’s what happened if you were raised by a church, he supposed.
Urban Fantasy
“Doctor,” River said, “You got my note.”
“Yes, it wasn’t very informative, but I take it you want help with something?”
“There’s a little situation that I could possibly use a bit of assistance with…”
“Let me guess, you excavated an active site and angered a spirit, demon, fey or undead?”
River gave him a sharp look. “What makes you say that?”
“It’s been about a month since the last one. You were overdue.”
Steampunk
Professor Miss River Song, archaeologist and adventuress, activated her galvanic lantern, and looked around the Library of Alexandria. Not the one that had burnt, of course, but the hidden one where the dangerous ideas had been kept. Almost all knowledge of it had been lost with the surface library, but with the sponsorship of Strackman Industries (the manufacturers of the Strackman Lux lantern she was holding) she had found enough clues to deduce its location.
“This,” she told her team, in hushed tones, “is one of the greatest archeological finds of the 19th century. I hope you are all suitably impressed.”
The group’s physician, a gangly figure in a long coat, who had mistakenly responded to a telegram Professor Song had sent to a colleague of his, looked round. “Perhaps,” he said, “But is it a proper library if it doesn’t contain some manner of gift shop?”
Professor Song decided, not for the first time on this voyage, that the best thing to do was ignore him.
Jemma Simmons and Leo Fitz
Wild West
“I’m sorry, sheriff,” said Deputy Ward, “But I don’t see why they keep hanging around.”
“Because they’re useful members of our team,” replied Sherriff Coulson.
The deputy scoffed, “An absent-minded train mechanic and a woman doctor? I mean, it’s great that she patched up my leg after I caught it on that nail in Kansas City, but how are they going to help us find those bank robbers?” Shield Valley was currently being terrorised by a gang of masked criminals with a multi-headed rattlesnake on their bandanas.
Coulson smiled slightly, “You’d be surprised.” He put his arm around Ward’s shoulder. Let me give you a demonstration. Dr Simmons, what did you find?”
“The injury to Ward’s leg was inconsistent with his explanation. It seemed more like a gunshot wound, such as the glancing blow you struck one of the robbers with during the shootout.”
Ward’s smile faded. “Hey, what?”
“Impressive. Mr Fitz?”
“There’s no way he was out of town during the robbery. The train he was supposed to have got back on left Kansas City before the outgoing one arrived. It doesn’t add up.”
“So it would appear,” Coulson concluded, “that their expertise has at least helped us catch one member of the Rattlesnake Gang.”
Ward hadn’t even noticed he was being led towards the sheriff’s office cell until the door slammed shut.
Cyberpunk
“SkySpy says the AI virus was sent from Alchemax,” said Fitz as he unjacked from cyberspace.
“Alchemax?” Simmons repeated, “That doesn’t make any sense. I mean, I know the megacorps are all terrible, and it’s one of the worst, but they were one of the sponsors of SHIELD reforming. Why would they sabotage us?”
“Maybe it’s not SHIELD in general they’re targeting, just us. You know Coulson goes off-program sometimes. Director Gallows lets him away with it, but if someone at Alchemax was wanting something from SHIELD that our team wasn’t providing…”
“They’d see us as a problem, yes.”
“And, I mean, it’s an open secret that Coulson isn’t happy about Alchemax’s influence. Not when they already own the Public Eye and the Avengers.”
Shapeshifters
Simmons was doing another round of tests on Fitz’s blood sample when she accidentally dropped a beaker. Before she could react, he caught it.
From the other side of the lab.
“Well,” she said as calmly as possible, “I think the tests to work out how the Terrigen crystals might have affected you are rather superfluous now.”
Pirates
The HMS Black Eagle sailed into the bay. First Lieutenant May keeping a steady hand on the helm. The ship’s carpenter looked through the spyglass at the ship behind them. “Tell Captain Coulson that the Great Kraken, formerly the HMS Green Eagle, does not appear to be following us,” he told the cabin boy. He turned to the ship’s sawbones. “You know, when they renamed it, I didn’t expect them to have control of an actual kraken.”
She nodded, “We seem to have outrun them though. Unfortunately, that means I won’t have a chance to study it.”
“Aye, well, as long as we’re not studying it from the inside, I can live with that.”
…In SPACE!!
The door to the lab at Starfleet Intelligence headquarters swished open. “Tell me you have something,” Commodore Coulson told the two officers working there, “Admiral Fury’s getting impatient.”
The man in engineering yellow spoke first, “Well, the subspace messages turned out to all be holographically encoded. I’ve managed to decode the first one and it’s exactly what you thought it was. And with that in place, I can probably decode the others.”
“And I’ve completed the genetic scan you asked for,” the woman in science blue added, “Using what Fitz told me about the messages, it was simple enough to compare the scan to the planets mentioned…”
“…And isolate it to not just one planet…” Fitz continued.
“…But to one area on that planet,” Simmons concluded
Coulson nodded. “Excellent work, both of you. With this we can finally root out John Garrett and Section 31.”
Born Another Gender
“It’s interesting how well you two mesh,” said Grant Ward, watching FitzSimmons work, “Especially since you’re in completely different disciplines. Although it’s kind of surprising that she’s the techie and you’re the biologist.”
Jimmy Simmons gave Ward a blank look. “Why would that be surprising?” he asked.
“Uh, no reason, really. I just meant…” he trailed off. Deciding to change the subject he turned to Leanne Fitz. “So what’s that you’re working on?”
“It’s a Drone Wirelessly Automated to Retrieve Forensics, or D.W.A.R.F. I’ve built six others so far.”
“So if you’ve got seven D.W.A.R.F.s, I guess that makes you…”
“Don’t even think it, Ward.”
Schoolfic
“I just want a simple answer,” said Principal Coulson, “Which one of you destroyed the science block?
Leo and Jemma exchanged glances, “I think it was probably me, sir,” said Leo, “I was working in the robotics lab, and one of them sort of escaped. I was trying to reprogram it wirelessly on the fly, and I think I might have overloaded the circuitry.”
“I don’t think Leo’s robot could have caused an explosion like that,” Jemma disagreed, “But I’m afraid I’d left my experiment unattended in the chem lab.”
Leo shook his head, “I saw what she was working on. Nothing volatile, really.”
“It still seems more likely than a robot blowing up.”
Coulson thought about this. “Is it possible your experiments could have … interacted?”
They exchanged glances again, “If the overloaded robot was producing sparks…”
“…and the sparks created an electrical fire near my compound…”
“…then yes, that could be exactly what happened. Sorry, sir.”
Coulson held up a hand. “Okay, then. Is it also possible that both of you knew your own experiment couldn’t have done this alone, but suspected the other one was responsible?”
They both suddenly found their shoes extremely interesting.
Mirror Universe
“And that concludes this meeting of the Saviours of Humanity by Interfering in the Evolution of Lifeform Deviants. Hail S.H.I.E.L.D.!”
As Coulson closed the meeting Fitz caught up with Simmons. “I just wanted to say … that talk you gave about the latest anti-Inhuman drugs was very impressive. The last time I hacked into HYDRA, their programme wasn’t anywhere near this advanced.” He grimaced. Simmons caught the look.
“Still can’t get used to doing your own hacking? I know, I miss Sky too.”
“I … I don’t miss her. She’s an Inhuman, she’s joined her dad’s organisation. Ever since she killed her mum the Inhumans have planned to take over the world. From us! If the Supreme Shield hears you talking like that…”
“I said I missed her, Fitz, I didn’t say I wasn’t going to kill her. It’s just a shame, that’s all.”
Urban Fantasy
“I don’t understand why she didn’t just tell me,” said Simmons, “I thought we were friends.”
“You are,” Fitz reassured her, “It’s just learning she was half-elven must have come as a bit of a shock.” He hesitated. “And you were going on a bit about how the fey were inhuman monsters.”
“Well, so they are! But that doesn’t mean I’d ever think Sky was!”
“She’s not Sky anymore. Apparently the name her mother gave her was Peaseblossom.”
Simmons considered this. “How does she feel about that?”
“That it’s still better than Mary Sue Poots.”
Steampunk
“And that is the complete story,” Simmons concluded, “To the best of my knowledge, William remains on the other world, abandoned by the Royal Exploratory Corps and with only ourselves at the Brotherhood of the Shield having the knowledge and abilities to rescue him.”
“I see,” said Fitz, “Then not only do we have a moral duty to do so, but I personally have a responsibility to thank him for saving your life. We now know that the portal functions when the stars are right, as Mr Daniels put it. We can therefore plan a retrieval attempt.”
Simmons shuddered again, “It was terrible. The sense of crushing despair that creature caused. I felt like everything was over, as though the End Times were upon us.”
Fitz patted her shoulder, “Remember the credo of the Brotherhood. This is not how the world ends.”
It was a wonderful motto, Simmons thought to herself, but eventually they would reach the occasion when it would turn out to be incorrect.
Feel free to throw more characters at me.
Supergirl (TV)
Wild West
“I don’t like it,” said General Henshaw of the US Cavalry, “but the fact is Maxwell Lord Rail and Freight owns this town, and no girl with a sheriff’s badge is gonna change that.”
Kara smiled politely, and glanced down at the badge. Rather than the traditional star, it was an irregular pentagon with an “S” for “Sheriff” in the centre. It was the same badge her cousin, the sheriff of Smallville wore, and she was going to uphold what it stood for, whatever anyone thought.
Cyberpunk
“It’s a memory rewriter,” reported JONZZ, after the AI had tapped into Kara’s brain implant. “It seems to have created an entire alternate history for her. One where she grew up on another planet, all very crystal spires and togas.”
“Can we undo it?” Alex asked, looking at the unconscious form of her sister, “Where did it even come from?”
“LordTech, probably,” said JONZZ, “They’ve been working on something similar. Project BLACK MERCY.”
Shapeshifters
“It happened to her cousin once as well,” said James, “He was infected by the original Doomsday and he began transforming…”
“Not sure it’s the right time for a history lesson,” said Winn, “unless you have info that can help us cure her.”
“Not personally, no, but I’ll check with the Planet.” James left the window, leaving Cat and Winn still staring at the monster on the street below.
“I was thinking we could call her Doomsgirl,” said Cat.
“Really sure it’s not the right time for a branding exercise,” said Winn, before he remembered he was talking to his boss.
Pirates
“What’s Kara done now, captain?” Alex asked, when Captain Henshaw took a brief respite from swearing.
“She’s been looking at too many woodcuts in books. As soon she identified that ship as Vartox’s, she swung into their rigging with a cutlass between her teeth. Which was interesting, because they were too far away for the rope to reach, so she didn’t fasten it to anything. She just flew over as if she was swinging into the rigging.”
“Then why did she even have a rope?”
Henshaw shrugged, “Because that’s the way they do it in the woodcuts. Now if anyone else on my crew had been stupid enough to swing into a ship’s rigging with a cutlass between their teeth, I’d be seriously concerned about a boiled-egg situation. In her case, I’m just worried what it’ll do to the cutlass…”
…In SPACE!!
“So what’s your story?” Freya asked her cabinmate, as the ship ran through the solar system, “You’re humanform like me, was your template made for, ah, the same purpose?”
“No, we were designed as ... protectors,” Kara replied, “Back when there were humans, the Zorel template was meant to, well, watch over them.”
“Like a bodyguard?”
“Not exactly, that suggests being assigned to a specific person. We were supposed to look after the whole human race. We had flight abilities and enhanced strength and we used to go around looking for problems and solving them.”
“So, why a blonde girl with glasses? Or was that not what you looked like at the time?”
“No, I think they wanted us to look, y’know, unthreatening. Although the Kalel template was the same thing only male, and they were much taller and bulkier. I don’t understand the difference.”
Freya shrugged, “Nobody’s understood how humans thought for millennia, and we probably aren’t going to start now.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
Born Another Gender
“Why ‘Superboy’, Miss Grant? I mean, on the TV he looks about twenty.”
“Well, we can’t very well call him Superman, can we, Kenny? That name’s already taken.”
“I guess so, Miss Grant.”
“And, Kenny? I still don’t have my coffee.”
“Sure thing, Miss Grant.” With an air of resignation, Connell Danvers left the CatCo boss’s office.
“How’d it go, Kon?” James asked.
“I know it’s not his fault, but I’m really annoyed that my cousin got to go first.”
Schoolfic
“You see, Miss Danvers,” the principal explained, “Your schoolwork is fine, but you need more extra-curriculars.”
“I’m working on the school paper, sir,” Kara pointed out.
“Except you’re not. Catherine won’t let anyone else really work on the school paper. Have you considered the drama group?”
“Drama, sir?”
“It’s a great opportunity to come out of your shell, since it’s not really you. When I was your age I was Jean ValJean in the school production of Les Mis.”
“Really, sir?”
“Indeed. So think about it, okay?”
“Okay, sir,” Kara left the office and found her older sister waiting for her outside.
“So, how’d it go?” Alex asked.
“I’ve learned something about Principal Henshaw that’s changed everything. Did you realise he used to be our age?”
Mirror Universe
The news empire of KeraCo rarely saw the boss, who preferred leaving her assistant Cathy to run things, and just telling her when she was wrong. The fact was, Ultragirl only adopted her secret identity at all when she was bored. Which she was right now.
“Olsen,” she snapped, “Do we have any footage of Alexander Luthor’s recent rescue of those orphans? It’s the sort of feelgood crap the masses like.”
“Uh, sure, Miss Danvers,” stuttered James Olsen, “It’s just…”
“Just what?”
“Well, there’s always been a general rule in the news media. You don’t do anything that would make Ultraman angry. And positive press for Luthor is, well…”
Kera smiled. “Making my cousin angry was the whole reason I got into this business. If Kal-Il wants to come to Imperial City and throw a tantrum, well, it’s not going to affect me, is it?”
Olsen shuddered, “No, Miss Danvers,” he muttered.
Urban Fantasy
“So, you want to join the Department of Extranatural Operations? You do realise the kind of thing we do?”
“Yeah, you’re monster hunters, chasing vampires and werewolves. I know my dad worked for you, and he says my sister does as well.”
Henshaw gave Kara a long look. “Jeremiah Danvers says Alex works for us? Present tense?”
“That’s why I think I can be of use to you. I’m sort of connected to something I call the Phantom Zone…”
Steampunk
Two blonde women made their way through the catacombs. One wore a blue dress over a red blouse with gold stitching in the form of an S. This was Kara “the Super-Girl” Danvers. The other wore a green dress over a white blouse with a golden trilobite at her throat. This was Agatha “the Heterodyne” Heterodyne.
“Nearly there,” Agatha said. “Soon we’ll find out who’s responsible for these disappearances.”
“I hope so,” replied Kara, “I thought it was Lord Maxwell, you thought it was the Baron, but it doesn’t really make sense for it to be either of them.”
“Really, my dear,” said a voice from the shadows, “I’m disappointed. I always thought you’d inherited my intelligence, but if that were the case, you’d have worked out I was responsible long ago.”
“The Other!” cried Agatha.
“Aunt Astra!” cried Kara simultaneously.
With mounting horror, they realised they were both right.
The Doctor and River Song
(I know, I initially specified Eleventh, but then I had the idea I had for Another Gender.)
Wild West
The Doctor shook the reins to gee up the horses. “What did you say was in this wagon?” he yelled, over the gunfire from the posse behind them.
“Fossils!” River shouted from the back of the wagon, “I thought getting involved in the dinosaur-hunting craze was a good investment!” She fired her shotgun, but more to let their pursuers know she had it than out of any optimism she’d hit anything the way the Doctor was driving.
“Well, apparently, some of them are a bit more crazed than you thought!” He turned to look at her. “Where exactly did you get those fossils? Someone else’s claim? Native sacred sites? The Lost Dutchman Mine?”
River kept her eye on the posse, “I think that about covers it, yes.”
Cyberpunk
“It’s called data-archaeology,” River explained. “It’s all about decoding old formats, excavating forgotten websites, even finding ways to read obsolete media.”
“I know what data-archaeology is,” the Doctor replied, “I just didn’t realise it involved physically blowing up a mainframe in order to escape a Black ICE program someone left there fifty years ago.”
River grinned. “Only if you’re doing it right.”
Shapeshifters
“Interesting,” said River, studying herself in the mirror, “I thought you said I used up all my regenerations when I saved you.”
“I thought you had,” admitted the Doctor, “I mean, using regeneration energy to restore another Time Lord’s life isn’t really an exact science. You, ah, you do realise you now look like Elizabeth I?”
“Rule seventeen, sweetie. Be aware of the competition.”
Pirates
“Ahoy, the rowboat!” River called from the bridge of the Lady Idris, “Who are you and why are you approaching my vessel?”
The Doctor glared at her from the boat, “Your vessel?”
“Well, you weren’t actually using it…”
“I went to bury the treasure! I was only away for two hours!”
…In SPACE!!
“Look,” the captain of the ship River had chartered said, “I’ve got no problem with carrying just about anything, but I like to know what it is. The amount you’re paying is enough to keep Chewie in food for months, so it’s obviously pretty valuable.”
“Artefacts,” River replied, “We’ve been on a special mission to find historic artefacts and keep them out of the hands of the Sith. And by ‘we’, I mean I was on a special mission and he tagged along.”
“I don’t ‘tag along’,” protested the Doctor, “I refuse to let you tell Captain Solo I was ‘tagging along’. I’m the one who found all those traps!”
“Setting off traps doesn’t actually count as finding them, dear.”
“So, you’re what, adventure archaeologists?” said Solo, “I’ve never heard of anything more ridiculous.”
The Doctor glared at River. “He’d believe us if someone hadn’t blastered my fedora.”
Born Another Gender
He’d been waiting impatiently for the surgeon. Eventually Nardle had returned with a tall, grey-haired woman, who had the air of authority he associated with medical personnel and was instantly annoyed by.
“River!” the woman cried when she saw him. The familiarity in her tone caught him by surprise.
“How do you know me?” he demanded.
“Well, it’s very complicated. People usually need a flowchart.”
“It doesn’t matter,” River decided, “My husband is dying.”
The surgeon doubletaked. “Husband? I am definitely going to need a bigger flowchart…”
Schoolfic
“Would the following students please report to the headmaster’s office,” came the announcement over the HG Wells High PA system, “Pond, Melody. Song, River. Doctor, Matt.”
Matt looked around in panic. “But I didn’t do anything! I was sitting quietly in history class and they sort of roped me in!”
“Sorry,” Mels laughed, “But there’s no way old Maxil will believe one of the Doctor brothers got dragged into an adventure by a girl, instead of the other way round!”
“Oh, he will,” said River, “Unless you want Matt to get the credit for something we did?”
“Yeah, that’s a point.”
Mirror Universe
The Leader scowled across his desk. How had it come to this?
In his third incarnation, when those fools on Gallifrey had first exiled him to Earth, the renegade Time Lord had controlled the British Republic, until the Inferno disaster had made it not worth ruling. Now here he was, stuck at the Vulgar End of Time, engaged in petty theft.
Well, he wasn’t personally engaged in petty theft. When you were an evil mastermind, you had minions for that sort of thing.
Brook Tune, the galaxy’s greatest cat-burglar, entered his office and threw a crystal on the table. “There you go, boss. Straight from the remains of Koschei’s TARDIS. That should be enough to get you started.”
“Thank you, Brook. There wasn’t any … trouble, was there?”
“What, on Earth? Under the Kaled Protectorate? If you don’t bother them, they don’t bother you, you know that.”
“And you didn’t bother them? Start a firefight, blow a few of them up, anything like that?”
Brook looked puzzled, “Why would I do that? Subtle and careful, that’s how burglary works.”
The Leader sighed. He had … well, a certain amount of affection for Brook, but the woman was far too soft for this line of work. That’s what happened if you were raised by a church, he supposed.
Urban Fantasy
“Doctor,” River said, “You got my note.”
“Yes, it wasn’t very informative, but I take it you want help with something?”
“There’s a little situation that I could possibly use a bit of assistance with…”
“Let me guess, you excavated an active site and angered a spirit, demon, fey or undead?”
River gave him a sharp look. “What makes you say that?”
“It’s been about a month since the last one. You were overdue.”
Steampunk
Professor Miss River Song, archaeologist and adventuress, activated her galvanic lantern, and looked around the Library of Alexandria. Not the one that had burnt, of course, but the hidden one where the dangerous ideas had been kept. Almost all knowledge of it had been lost with the surface library, but with the sponsorship of Strackman Industries (the manufacturers of the Strackman Lux lantern she was holding) she had found enough clues to deduce its location.
“This,” she told her team, in hushed tones, “is one of the greatest archeological finds of the 19th century. I hope you are all suitably impressed.”
The group’s physician, a gangly figure in a long coat, who had mistakenly responded to a telegram Professor Song had sent to a colleague of his, looked round. “Perhaps,” he said, “But is it a proper library if it doesn’t contain some manner of gift shop?”
Professor Song decided, not for the first time on this voyage, that the best thing to do was ignore him.
Jemma Simmons and Leo Fitz
Wild West
“I’m sorry, sheriff,” said Deputy Ward, “But I don’t see why they keep hanging around.”
“Because they’re useful members of our team,” replied Sherriff Coulson.
The deputy scoffed, “An absent-minded train mechanic and a woman doctor? I mean, it’s great that she patched up my leg after I caught it on that nail in Kansas City, but how are they going to help us find those bank robbers?” Shield Valley was currently being terrorised by a gang of masked criminals with a multi-headed rattlesnake on their bandanas.
Coulson smiled slightly, “You’d be surprised.” He put his arm around Ward’s shoulder. Let me give you a demonstration. Dr Simmons, what did you find?”
“The injury to Ward’s leg was inconsistent with his explanation. It seemed more like a gunshot wound, such as the glancing blow you struck one of the robbers with during the shootout.”
Ward’s smile faded. “Hey, what?”
“Impressive. Mr Fitz?”
“There’s no way he was out of town during the robbery. The train he was supposed to have got back on left Kansas City before the outgoing one arrived. It doesn’t add up.”
“So it would appear,” Coulson concluded, “that their expertise has at least helped us catch one member of the Rattlesnake Gang.”
Ward hadn’t even noticed he was being led towards the sheriff’s office cell until the door slammed shut.
Cyberpunk
“SkySpy says the AI virus was sent from Alchemax,” said Fitz as he unjacked from cyberspace.
“Alchemax?” Simmons repeated, “That doesn’t make any sense. I mean, I know the megacorps are all terrible, and it’s one of the worst, but they were one of the sponsors of SHIELD reforming. Why would they sabotage us?”
“Maybe it’s not SHIELD in general they’re targeting, just us. You know Coulson goes off-program sometimes. Director Gallows lets him away with it, but if someone at Alchemax was wanting something from SHIELD that our team wasn’t providing…”
“They’d see us as a problem, yes.”
“And, I mean, it’s an open secret that Coulson isn’t happy about Alchemax’s influence. Not when they already own the Public Eye and the Avengers.”
Shapeshifters
Simmons was doing another round of tests on Fitz’s blood sample when she accidentally dropped a beaker. Before she could react, he caught it.
From the other side of the lab.
“Well,” she said as calmly as possible, “I think the tests to work out how the Terrigen crystals might have affected you are rather superfluous now.”
Pirates
The HMS Black Eagle sailed into the bay. First Lieutenant May keeping a steady hand on the helm. The ship’s carpenter looked through the spyglass at the ship behind them. “Tell Captain Coulson that the Great Kraken, formerly the HMS Green Eagle, does not appear to be following us,” he told the cabin boy. He turned to the ship’s sawbones. “You know, when they renamed it, I didn’t expect them to have control of an actual kraken.”
She nodded, “We seem to have outrun them though. Unfortunately, that means I won’t have a chance to study it.”
“Aye, well, as long as we’re not studying it from the inside, I can live with that.”
…In SPACE!!
The door to the lab at Starfleet Intelligence headquarters swished open. “Tell me you have something,” Commodore Coulson told the two officers working there, “Admiral Fury’s getting impatient.”
The man in engineering yellow spoke first, “Well, the subspace messages turned out to all be holographically encoded. I’ve managed to decode the first one and it’s exactly what you thought it was. And with that in place, I can probably decode the others.”
“And I’ve completed the genetic scan you asked for,” the woman in science blue added, “Using what Fitz told me about the messages, it was simple enough to compare the scan to the planets mentioned…”
“…And isolate it to not just one planet…” Fitz continued.
“…But to one area on that planet,” Simmons concluded
Coulson nodded. “Excellent work, both of you. With this we can finally root out John Garrett and Section 31.”
Born Another Gender
“It’s interesting how well you two mesh,” said Grant Ward, watching FitzSimmons work, “Especially since you’re in completely different disciplines. Although it’s kind of surprising that she’s the techie and you’re the biologist.”
Jimmy Simmons gave Ward a blank look. “Why would that be surprising?” he asked.
“Uh, no reason, really. I just meant…” he trailed off. Deciding to change the subject he turned to Leanne Fitz. “So what’s that you’re working on?”
“It’s a Drone Wirelessly Automated to Retrieve Forensics, or D.W.A.R.F. I’ve built six others so far.”
“So if you’ve got seven D.W.A.R.F.s, I guess that makes you…”
“Don’t even think it, Ward.”
Schoolfic
“I just want a simple answer,” said Principal Coulson, “Which one of you destroyed the science block?
Leo and Jemma exchanged glances, “I think it was probably me, sir,” said Leo, “I was working in the robotics lab, and one of them sort of escaped. I was trying to reprogram it wirelessly on the fly, and I think I might have overloaded the circuitry.”
“I don’t think Leo’s robot could have caused an explosion like that,” Jemma disagreed, “But I’m afraid I’d left my experiment unattended in the chem lab.”
Leo shook his head, “I saw what she was working on. Nothing volatile, really.”
“It still seems more likely than a robot blowing up.”
Coulson thought about this. “Is it possible your experiments could have … interacted?”
They exchanged glances again, “If the overloaded robot was producing sparks…”
“…and the sparks created an electrical fire near my compound…”
“…then yes, that could be exactly what happened. Sorry, sir.”
Coulson held up a hand. “Okay, then. Is it also possible that both of you knew your own experiment couldn’t have done this alone, but suspected the other one was responsible?”
They both suddenly found their shoes extremely interesting.
Mirror Universe
“And that concludes this meeting of the Saviours of Humanity by Interfering in the Evolution of Lifeform Deviants. Hail S.H.I.E.L.D.!”
As Coulson closed the meeting Fitz caught up with Simmons. “I just wanted to say … that talk you gave about the latest anti-Inhuman drugs was very impressive. The last time I hacked into HYDRA, their programme wasn’t anywhere near this advanced.” He grimaced. Simmons caught the look.
“Still can’t get used to doing your own hacking? I know, I miss Sky too.”
“I … I don’t miss her. She’s an Inhuman, she’s joined her dad’s organisation. Ever since she killed her mum the Inhumans have planned to take over the world. From us! If the Supreme Shield hears you talking like that…”
“I said I missed her, Fitz, I didn’t say I wasn’t going to kill her. It’s just a shame, that’s all.”
Urban Fantasy
“I don’t understand why she didn’t just tell me,” said Simmons, “I thought we were friends.”
“You are,” Fitz reassured her, “It’s just learning she was half-elven must have come as a bit of a shock.” He hesitated. “And you were going on a bit about how the fey were inhuman monsters.”
“Well, so they are! But that doesn’t mean I’d ever think Sky was!”
“She’s not Sky anymore. Apparently the name her mother gave her was Peaseblossom.”
Simmons considered this. “How does she feel about that?”
“That it’s still better than Mary Sue Poots.”
Steampunk
“And that is the complete story,” Simmons concluded, “To the best of my knowledge, William remains on the other world, abandoned by the Royal Exploratory Corps and with only ourselves at the Brotherhood of the Shield having the knowledge and abilities to rescue him.”
“I see,” said Fitz, “Then not only do we have a moral duty to do so, but I personally have a responsibility to thank him for saving your life. We now know that the portal functions when the stars are right, as Mr Daniels put it. We can therefore plan a retrieval attempt.”
Simmons shuddered again, “It was terrible. The sense of crushing despair that creature caused. I felt like everything was over, as though the End Times were upon us.”
Fitz patted her shoulder, “Remember the credo of the Brotherhood. This is not how the world ends.”
It was a wonderful motto, Simmons thought to herself, but eventually they would reach the occasion when it would turn out to be incorrect.
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Date: 2016-03-01 10:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-03-01 08:12 pm (UTC)