Fanfic meme: Vimes/Dungeon Master
Feb. 10th, 2011 10:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
daibhidcQuest Object Remix
"You want to borrow Carrot's sword? Why?"
Dungeon Master pulled a scroll out of his robes and unrolled it between them. "Here," he said, pointing, "is the Lernaean Hydra. My young charges must defeat it, and the only way of doing so is with a sword of infinite sharpness."
Vimes blinked. "Young charges? And you're expecting them to fight some sort of monster for you?"
Dungeon Master ignored this. "So if you give me the sword, I shall leave it here, in the Swamps of Despair, where they can find it. Once the monster is destroyed, they shall return it to the swamp, and I will return it to you."
Vimes looked even more perplexed. Those who knew him well would have known that it was the sort of perplexed that would take very little to rapidly transform into "very angry".
"If you want the kids to have the sword, why not just give it to them? In fact, if they're your charges, isn't it your responsibility to look after them, not send them on monster hunts? How did they come to be your charges anyway?"
"Ah, I summoned them from the universe you know as Roundworld to..."
Behind Vimes, Carrot coughed, "I should warn you, sir, that anything you say..."
* * *
Ten minutes later:
"Sorry, sir," said Carrot, "I've put him in a cell, but it's seriously outside our jurisdiction. He may be guilty of kidnapping and reckless endangerment, but he did it in two other universes. We can't hold him for that."
Vimes scowled. "Okay, then send a clacks to UU. Tell Ridcully we've got an unregistered wizard for the University courts to try. I wonder how long this Dungeon Master can hold his breath?"
"You want to borrow Carrot's sword? Why?"
Dungeon Master pulled a scroll out of his robes and unrolled it between them. "Here," he said, pointing, "is the Lernaean Hydra. My young charges must defeat it, and the only way of doing so is with a sword of infinite sharpness."
Vimes blinked. "Young charges? And you're expecting them to fight some sort of monster for you?"
Dungeon Master ignored this. "So if you give me the sword, I shall leave it here, in the Swamps of Despair, where they can find it. Once the monster is destroyed, they shall return it to the swamp, and I will return it to you."
Vimes looked even more perplexed. Those who knew him well would have known that it was the sort of perplexed that would take very little to rapidly transform into "very angry".
"If you want the kids to have the sword, why not just give it to them? In fact, if they're your charges, isn't it your responsibility to look after them, not send them on monster hunts? How did they come to be your charges anyway?"
"Ah, I summoned them from the universe you know as Roundworld to..."
Behind Vimes, Carrot coughed, "I should warn you, sir, that anything you say..."
* * *
Ten minutes later:
"Sorry, sir," said Carrot, "I've put him in a cell, but it's seriously outside our jurisdiction. He may be guilty of kidnapping and reckless endangerment, but he did it in two other universes. We can't hold him for that."
Vimes scowled. "Okay, then send a clacks to UU. Tell Ridcully we've got an unregistered wizard for the University courts to try. I wonder how long this Dungeon Master can hold his breath?"
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Date: 2011-02-11 01:00 pm (UTC)Also, they probably ought to check the cell still contains a Dungeon Master at this point.