Ten Alternate Universes: Danger Mouse
Aug. 11th, 2020 03:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
daibhidcSo I was sorting out my folders, and it turned out I wrote less than half of this two years ago, didn't get any inspiration for the rest, and gave up. By replacing two of the AUs, I've now completed it.
Canon Divergence
"Well, Danger Mouse?" demanded Baron Greenback, "Do you have the items I sent you to find? And remember, your sidekick is still my prisoner."
"No," replied Danger Mouse, "I didn't bother with that quest of yours at all. I just rescued Penfold."
"What?" Greenback turned. Somehow the hamster was no longer where he had been. He turned back, and saw Penfold appear from behind the White Wonder. "But how?"
"Freeing Penfold from being chained over a crocodile pit? Really, Greenback, I do that every week in the opening titles! But you knew I wouldn't have the items, didn't you? I realised from the beginning that the whole thing was a wild goose chase. Or should I say, a wild duck chase?"
Greenback cursed under his breath. He'd hoped it would take longer for the mouse to realise that there simply wasn't any such thing as a vampire duck.
Coffee Shop
"Danger Mouse!" snapped Professor Squawkencluck, "What have I told you about touching the espresso machine?"
"But you weren't here, and these nice people wanted a latte."
"Well, they got a lot more latte than they expected, didn't they?" Squawkencluck said, throwing an apologetic look to two piles of foam with eyes.
DM laughed, "'A lot more latte'! Bet you can't say that ten times!"
Squawkencluck shook her head. "Just get the mop, Danger Mouse."
Shapeshifters
"Good grief, Penfold" said DM, "I knew Professor Squawkencluck said Agent 57's flu had gone infectious, but this is getting ridiculous!"
"I am Professor Squawkencluck, Danger Mouse," replied the hamster. "I think Penfold is the one that looks like Colonel K."
"No, I'm Miss Boathook. I thought Penfold took the form of the narrator."
"Penfold?" DM asked the narrator.
"No, I'm Danger Mouse."
"Oh. Then … I must be Penfold."
Mirror Universe
"So, the entire Danger Agency has been sent after me," the mouse in the red jumpsuit sneered. "Danger Toad, Danger Duck, Danger Panda, Danger Weevil. Well, you can tell Colonel Crow that it doesn't matter how many agents…"
"Um, we're not actually after you this time," Danger Toad admitted, "We just happen to be passing you on our way to America. Jeopardy Gecko asked for our help in stopping the actual most dangerous mouse in the world."
Sinister Mouse scowled. He hated playing second fiddle to Menacing Mouse and her HYDRANT goons.
. . . In SPACE!!
The Frogstar Flyer decelerated from hyperspace.
"We're near the reported location of the Galactic Danger Agency HQ," Stiletto reported from the helm.
"Hmm," murmured Greenback, "It must be behind that oddly-shaped moon."
Stiletto stared. "That's no moon, Baroni. It's … a giant pillar box?"
Historical
At Lychopinax's cry, many other mice arrived at the water's edge to see what had alarmed him.
"I saw Prince Psycarpax talking to King Physignathus," Lychopinax gasped, "The frog king offered to carry the Prince to his island kingdom. But halfway there he saw a water-snake and dived to save himself! The Prince drowned, but his last words were a call for vengeance!"
On hearing this sad news, King Troxartes looked grave, "Then vengeance he shall have. He was my third son, and third to die at the hands of others. In his name, I hereby declare war on the kingdom of frogs!"
At this, one-eyed Kindynos, white of fur and chiton, knelt before his king. "As you know, sire, I have some experience in battling amphibians," he said, "I would be honoured to help lead our people in this fight."
Fusion
"Come, Penfold, we must prepare for tomorrow night."
"Crumbs, chief, what are we going to do tomorrow night?"
"The same thing we do every night, Penfold; try to save the world!"
Cyberpunk
DM raced through cyberspace. This was the one chance to take down the supercomputer that controlled the world. As he approached the connection, however, an avatar of the system appeared in front of him.
He'd never worked out if its avatars took the form of the Prof to disconcert him, or simply because altering the default setting was irrelevant to it. "You've come very close, User Dangermouse," it told him, "But you still have to get past my Black ICE."
A dozen identical monitor lizards in purple armour appeared between him and the Big Head avatar.
Pirates
Captain Mouse spun the wheel of the HMS Danger, sending it into a U-turn that would have been utterly impossible if it weren't for cartoon physics. "Penfold," he ordered, "Send a signal. Admiral K should know that we have the Queen of Goldlandia firmly in our sights. Greenback isn’t getting away again!"
"But, captain," his first lieutenant replied, "Shouldn't we wait for the rest of the fleet?"
"There's no time, Penfold. Anyway, I'm the hero. Heroes don't wait for reinforcements!"
As Penfold hoisted the signal flags, he reflected that it seemed heroes also never learned from what had happened last time.
Steampunk
The Mark I Aeronautomobile chuffed its way out of the Ministry for Dangerous Situations' headquarters. "You see, Penfold," Dangerlock Mouse explained, lighting his pipe, "The elementary conclusion is that Professor Greenback has been preparing his escape from Arkwright for some time. Given his normal tendency to rant to the guards after lights out, his quiet on such occasions can only be considered as suspicious."
"Astounding, chief," Dr Ernest Penfold nodded, "So that was.."
"That was the curious behaviour of the frog in the night-time. Indeed."
"But, chief," Penfold protested, "Professor Greenback is a toad, not a frog."
"Quite so, old friend, but then the joke doesn't work."
Canon Divergence
"Well, Danger Mouse?" demanded Baron Greenback, "Do you have the items I sent you to find? And remember, your sidekick is still my prisoner."
"No," replied Danger Mouse, "I didn't bother with that quest of yours at all. I just rescued Penfold."
"What?" Greenback turned. Somehow the hamster was no longer where he had been. He turned back, and saw Penfold appear from behind the White Wonder. "But how?"
"Freeing Penfold from being chained over a crocodile pit? Really, Greenback, I do that every week in the opening titles! But you knew I wouldn't have the items, didn't you? I realised from the beginning that the whole thing was a wild goose chase. Or should I say, a wild duck chase?"
Greenback cursed under his breath. He'd hoped it would take longer for the mouse to realise that there simply wasn't any such thing as a vampire duck.
Coffee Shop
"Danger Mouse!" snapped Professor Squawkencluck, "What have I told you about touching the espresso machine?"
"But you weren't here, and these nice people wanted a latte."
"Well, they got a lot more latte than they expected, didn't they?" Squawkencluck said, throwing an apologetic look to two piles of foam with eyes.
DM laughed, "'A lot more latte'! Bet you can't say that ten times!"
Squawkencluck shook her head. "Just get the mop, Danger Mouse."
Shapeshifters
"Good grief, Penfold" said DM, "I knew Professor Squawkencluck said Agent 57's flu had gone infectious, but this is getting ridiculous!"
"I am Professor Squawkencluck, Danger Mouse," replied the hamster. "I think Penfold is the one that looks like Colonel K."
"No, I'm Miss Boathook. I thought Penfold took the form of the narrator."
"Penfold?" DM asked the narrator.
"No, I'm Danger Mouse."
"Oh. Then … I must be Penfold."
Mirror Universe
"So, the entire Danger Agency has been sent after me," the mouse in the red jumpsuit sneered. "Danger Toad, Danger Duck, Danger Panda, Danger Weevil. Well, you can tell Colonel Crow that it doesn't matter how many agents…"
"Um, we're not actually after you this time," Danger Toad admitted, "We just happen to be passing you on our way to America. Jeopardy Gecko asked for our help in stopping the actual most dangerous mouse in the world."
Sinister Mouse scowled. He hated playing second fiddle to Menacing Mouse and her HYDRANT goons.
. . . In SPACE!!
The Frogstar Flyer decelerated from hyperspace.
"We're near the reported location of the Galactic Danger Agency HQ," Stiletto reported from the helm.
"Hmm," murmured Greenback, "It must be behind that oddly-shaped moon."
Stiletto stared. "That's no moon, Baroni. It's … a giant pillar box?"
Historical
At Lychopinax's cry, many other mice arrived at the water's edge to see what had alarmed him.
"I saw Prince Psycarpax talking to King Physignathus," Lychopinax gasped, "The frog king offered to carry the Prince to his island kingdom. But halfway there he saw a water-snake and dived to save himself! The Prince drowned, but his last words were a call for vengeance!"
On hearing this sad news, King Troxartes looked grave, "Then vengeance he shall have. He was my third son, and third to die at the hands of others. In his name, I hereby declare war on the kingdom of frogs!"
At this, one-eyed Kindynos, white of fur and chiton, knelt before his king. "As you know, sire, I have some experience in battling amphibians," he said, "I would be honoured to help lead our people in this fight."
Fusion
"Come, Penfold, we must prepare for tomorrow night."
"Crumbs, chief, what are we going to do tomorrow night?"
"The same thing we do every night, Penfold; try to save the world!"
Cyberpunk
DM raced through cyberspace. This was the one chance to take down the supercomputer that controlled the world. As he approached the connection, however, an avatar of the system appeared in front of him.
He'd never worked out if its avatars took the form of the Prof to disconcert him, or simply because altering the default setting was irrelevant to it. "You've come very close, User Dangermouse," it told him, "But you still have to get past my Black ICE."
A dozen identical monitor lizards in purple armour appeared between him and the Big Head avatar.
Pirates
Captain Mouse spun the wheel of the HMS Danger, sending it into a U-turn that would have been utterly impossible if it weren't for cartoon physics. "Penfold," he ordered, "Send a signal. Admiral K should know that we have the Queen of Goldlandia firmly in our sights. Greenback isn’t getting away again!"
"But, captain," his first lieutenant replied, "Shouldn't we wait for the rest of the fleet?"
"There's no time, Penfold. Anyway, I'm the hero. Heroes don't wait for reinforcements!"
As Penfold hoisted the signal flags, he reflected that it seemed heroes also never learned from what had happened last time.
Steampunk
The Mark I Aeronautomobile chuffed its way out of the Ministry for Dangerous Situations' headquarters. "You see, Penfold," Dangerlock Mouse explained, lighting his pipe, "The elementary conclusion is that Professor Greenback has been preparing his escape from Arkwright for some time. Given his normal tendency to rant to the guards after lights out, his quiet on such occasions can only be considered as suspicious."
"Astounding, chief," Dr Ernest Penfold nodded, "So that was.."
"That was the curious behaviour of the frog in the night-time. Indeed."
"But, chief," Penfold protested, "Professor Greenback is a toad, not a frog."
"Quite so, old friend, but then the joke doesn't work."
